Sam
by zigzagzoom94
Summary: A collection of one-shots from the perspective of my alternate character interpretation closeted!Sam Evans. Possible spoilers for season 2.
1. Just tell her

Just tell her.

"And then Kurt shouted at for, like no reason. Said he needed to stop being so uptight, I think he ended up getting a detention." Quinn reached across the table and put her hand on mine.

Just tell her that you're gay.

As much as I willed them my lips stayed firmly shut.

I tried to change the subject to distract myself. "You know I heard about what you went through last term, the pregnancy. That must have been really tough."

"Well the worst part was keeping it a secret from my parents and from Finn."

"Yeah, I know what it's like to keep a secret." Why? Why would you say that?

"Oh my god, so it's true Sam? You're…gay."

This always happens. When I'm trying to come out and start to over think it I start to get this sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of telling anyone.

"No I'm not gay. Before I came to this school I was nervous about how I would look so I dyed my hair with lemon juice. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for Kurt's magical ability to tell when it comes from a bottle." That has to be the worst cover-up story _ever_.

The conversation changes subject from there. I look down at my plate but the nauseous feeling in my stomach still hasn't gone away.

"You know I think I'll save these Breadstix meal vouchers. After all a gentleman always pays on the first date."

Crap.

My mother calls me a 'master procrastinator'. If there's something I need to do I'll put it off indefinitely, so sometimes it helps to set a date for something I need to do and stick to it. This is easy to say a few weeks in advance but not when you suddenly find yourself standing in an empty choir room with Quinn sitting next to you giving you funny looks.

"You wanted to talk to me?"

The nauseous feeling in my stomach is back and I think it's showing on my face.

"Quinn, there's something I need to tell you." Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound. "I'm gay."

"Oh, er, good for you." Quinn smiles weakly and looks away. I think she's still taking it all in so I don't say anything.

"Are you sure?"

For some reason that really annoys me. Would I really tell someone I'm gay if I wasn't absolutely sure I'm-

"Sam. Thanks for telling me."

"You're not mad or anything."

"No, I know that you can't help being gay. I am friends with Kurt Hummel, and just because I have two _very_ republican parents doesn't mean I've got old-fashioned views on homosexuality."

We both smile.

"Wait, I didn't turn you gay or anything?"  
"No Quinn."

"Just checking."

People say when you come out it's supposed to be a weight off your shoulders but I still just feel ill. Perhaps when that wears off I'll feel a bit better.

The next day I'm sitting in glee when Quinn asks if she can sing a song. On the way to the front she catches my eye but I'm not really sure what to make of that. Then the music starts up and I barely suppress a giggle as I recognise the song.

_If you were gay, that'd be okay,_

_I mean 'cause, hey, I'd like you anyway,_

_To say that I was gay_

_Because you see, if it were me,_

_I would feel free (But I'm not gay)_

Then Quinn reached out a hand and pulled me up from my seat.

"Quinn, I'm trying to-"

_If you were queer, I'd still be here,_

"Quinn seriously."

_Year after year, because you're dear to me,_

"Argh!"

_And I know that you_

"What?"

_Would accept me too_

"I would?"

By this point we were hamming it up, grinning like maniacs.

_If I told you today, Hey! Guess what, I'm gay!_

_(But I'm not gay)_

_I'm happy just being with you_

_So what would it matter to me_

_What you do in bed with guys?_

"Quinn, that's gross!"

"No it's not!"  
_If you were gay, I'd shout hooray!_

"I am not listening!" I mock storm into the corner with my fingers in my ears.

_And here I'd stay,_

"La la la la la!"

_But I wouldn't get in your way.  
_

"Aaaah!"

_You can count on me, to always be_

_Beside you every day,_

_To tell you it's okay,_

_You were just born that way,_

_It's in your DNA,_

_You're gay!  
_

"But I'm not gay."

"If you were gay"  
Argh!" 

The two of us bow with her hand in mine and the rest of the club applaud.

The thing is coming out is horrible, but moments like this and being able to talk to Quinn about it in private, to talk openly about being gay

It feels really good.

**Okay, I had an idea for a one-shot and I thought Sam would fit because of the whole mistaken-for-gay thing, so sorry if he seems out of character in any way.**

**The song used is 'If you were gay' from the musical Avenue Q, which is awesome.**


	2. Love and sex and that

So I was sitting on the sofa drinking a soda and overall ignorant of what was about to happen.

"Sam, could I talk to you" my dad called from the table so I got up and sat opposite him.

His expression was uncomfortable and almost squirming, the sort of face you might expect to find on a penguin that's just spent a couple of hours in a sauna.

"Not so long ago you came out to me and your mother…as gay."

"Yes…" I nodded, not really knowing where this was going.

"You don't…have a boyfriend, do you?"

"No."

"Ah, yes…er…good." My dad's eyes roamed the empty table, failing to meet my own. "I want to talk to you about sex."

Ah, so that's what this was about. Immediately the situation became ten times more awkward.

"Now I understand that sex education at school doesn't really cover gay sex, but I want you to feel like you can come to talk to me about any problems or with any questions you have." _This isn't happening._ "I picked up some pamphlets from a clinic that cover the…er… mechanics of the situation." _Oh god, he's probably going to start talking about anal sex._ "And I want you to remember to always use a condom, even though there's no chance of getting someone pregnant, because there is still a chance that you can catch an STI, especially…the way some gay men do it."

"Do you have any questions?"

I looked up from my attempts to force the ground to swallow me whole. I'm not an idiot; I do have some idea of how gay people have sex. "Dad, as much as I appreciate the sentiment, and I really do, I don't want to talk about sex," I paused for a moment, "I want to know about love."

My dad's expression softened slightly and certainly became more relaxed.

"Listen, I understand when you're a teenager the dating world can seem confusing, so feel free to ask me any questions you like."

I took a deep breath. "How do I know if I love someone, how do I know if I like someone, how do I know if I'm taking a relationship too quickly, should I ignore dating and focus on schoolwork or will I get to college and find out everyone has a boyfriend but me, what do I do if I don't have a clue whether someone likes me or even notices me and is it normal for me to have these really bizarre thoughts about other boys in my class."

My dad's expression visibly blanched. "What was that first one?"

"How do I know if I love someone?"

"To be honest I don't subscribe to the whole 'love at first sight' idea. You know when you become friends with a person with a really nice personality, and they like all the same things as you, and you want to spend all your time with them but that makes them think you're weird."

"Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about."

"Well dating is like that but with crazy teenage hormones thrown in. As you date a person you become more comfortable with them and get to know them and enjoy spending time with them, then pretty soon you don't really want to be without them. Just remember not to get too serious about relationships; you're likely to go through a lot of them through life. When you're a teenager you think you're going to be with someone forever and then you break up and there's ridiculous amounts of drama. You don't need to worry too much about it at the moment. If you do go out with someone remember, it's important to compromise in a relationship, but be yourself."

He looked into my eyes. "I hope that answered some of your questions." I smiled back. "Thanks dad."


End file.
